How strict a parent are you? Would you report your own child to the police?
On a scale of one to ‘report your own child to the police’, how strict a parent are you? I ask because a 14-year-old was spared prosecution for his part in the summer riots thanks to his parents' intervention.
After seeing their son’s ill-advised social media content, which proudly documented his enthusiastic looting, they marched him to the police station.
I can only imagine the telling off he had got for the director of public prosecutions to issue the statement: “We took the decision that the wrath that had been visited on that child by his parents was more effective than anything the criminal justice system could deliver." I think it’s fair to say the mood at home had probably been a bit tense.
A 15-year-old boy had been caught on CCTV and TikTok live, throwing missiles at the police. He had also been caught looting Greggs and grabbing (I assume) bath bombs in Lush. His parents saw his 15 minutes of infamy and duly took him to the police station.
His role in the disorder warranted prosecution but he avoided prison, thanks again to his parents. District Judge Daniel Curtis said in his sentencing: “It is not lost on me that your family, when they saw that you were involved, took you to the police station. That for me is the hallmark of a loving and supportive family.” Rather than a custodial, he got a £200 fine and referral order.
There were parents who didn’t seem to care. One mum went on holiday to Ibiza rather than attend court with her 12-year-old. Others joined in the riots themselves and saw it as a family day out. Inevitably they fared worse in our courts. Higher fines, longer referral orders and custodial sentences.
The decision to prosecute is based on evidence but also public interest. Public interest includes ‘what is the best way to stop a child from causing trouble again’ and that is not always prison. In fact, prison most likely is the worst thing for a child. Our justice system wants parents to step in, show moral guidance and a bit of righteous wrath.
I think our school system hopes parents would step in a bit more too. Behaviour in schools is reportedly getting worse every year. According to a poll on Teacher Tapp, 55 per cent of teachers said they had experienced verbal abuse, 21 per cent had experienced physical abuse and 15 per cent of secondary teachers said they have experienced sexual harassment from a pupil when working at school.
These are horrendous statistics. It’s not just teachers who suffer. Pupil on pupil violence was witnessed on a weekly basis by 30 per cent of teachers.
Teachers confirmed that the worst-behaved children take up a huge proportion of the schools’ time and resources while their parents offer little in the way of support. One teacher posted “entitlement parenting is one of the biggest issues in K-12 education. Children are growing up thinking they don’t have to take any accountability for their actions.” Even children in primary schools are swearing, spitting and throwing chairs. Hell, meet handcart.
After the sleep deprivation, telling your children off is the least fun bit of parenting. Truth be told, I am never entirely sure I’ve got it right. Am I too strict, not strict enough or am I Goldilocks strict? Just the right amount is ideal but how do we know?
I worry about whether I was too angry about homework not being done, laundry not being put away, cycling helmets not being worn. Am I a dragon, a killjoy, will they grow up to hate me? Us mums will ask each other: “What would you do? Is this reasonable? Do you allow your children to… ?”.
When I worry it helps to remember that good enough parenting is good enough. The parents whose kids wound up kicking Greggs’ door down must have questioned their own roles in the sorry episode. Had they been strict enough? They were still doing their best when they walked their children into a police station. They were praised for being good parents.
Ultimately that’s all we hope we can be.
